Excuse me, can I have a quick word?
Sure, you can have two: whoosh and zoom…
There are certain things that really bug me in the morning. And it’s not always the morning’s fault. It’s not the fault of those certain things which depending on the wheel of fortune of the day, just so happening to pause between one of the anythings that irk. Then there are people and every other thing.
I’m certainly not a gripper who goes to bed in surley-boots and wakes ready to extract joy, quite the opposite, but phone calls, sunshine and a blatant disregard for the effects of unnecessary exuberance count. I’m not sure which category it would fit into, but enthusiasm really waffles me when it’s unwarranted, unsolicited and before breakfast, appreciably so.
When I’m asleep, I like to think that I’m minding my own business. I like to think that it’s not out of the question to expect anything any different. But what do I know? I do know that there are people that phone your house sounding so fucking excited to be alive and lottery-winner jolly, wanting to give you free windows and trips to the moon, that make me want to disown my own face if I allow them more than minute or two.
So when I heard the phone ringing this morning; dragged my body over to it; answered it and Life is Beautiful introduced himself as, Trevor from Sunshine Travel. I knew I wasn’t asleep. I knew in those first few moments that I’d had a grim rest and no amount of happy-talk or freebies were going to supplant the misanthrope I felt at that moment.
‘I’m sorry’ I said, ‘but no. No, no, no, no. No. I’m not going talk to you…‘
‘Would you mind explaining why?’
It’s not everyday an opportunity like this arises, it just doesn’t, but Trevor from Sunshine Travel got brownie-points for being ballsy, and a free-pass. And I just can’t abide rudeness … the irony.
Just a Little Background Noise 2.0 
I can relate – sunshiny, happiness people should not be allowed to present themselves so early in the mornings. 🙂
No they shouldn’t, unless invited, in advance … in writing. Or noisy people, grumps too. I wouldn’t even descrribe myself as opposed to mornings – just the morning after a piss-poor night’s sleep, or a sleep interrupted, or an alarm I forgot to turn off. Cat O’ Clock is anywhere from 0415 and 0530 and doesn’t count, despite being ungodly at time. Chaps and cold-calling, all sunshine and happiness – kill me now! 😀
First, I’ve done the ‘telemarketing’ bit so I know whereof which I speak.
I also have a really meeeaaan streak and sometimes unleash the little bugger (I give it free rein). And when I can spare the time I love to invite Mormons and such things into my home—I still brag about the time I had two elders suddenly stare at each other in (for once) unsupportive terror, then as one they gathered up their paraphernalia and rushed off as if the hounds of Hell were after them.
Thus if I’m not busy and a cold-caller coldly calls I’m in seventh heaven. They are, after all, only trying to make an honest buck and although I’ve been there myself I just can’t resist them.
I haven’t had such in a very long time (other than the Seventh Day Witnesses or whatever they are) so I suspect I’m on some kind of circulating warning list. Bummer.
You should try it if not caught short, my favourite is leading them away from their topic despite their ever more blatant efforts to get back on track. You win when they panic and hang up on you. If they slam it down, even better (a thousand curses on the modern boom-mic and headset!).
I actually have a couple of JWs come round every month or so for tea and a chat – they’re lovely people and I’m convinced they’re the conspiracy-theorists of the Christendom. As for the CCs – I either avoid the phone altogether, unless I’m feeling especially grumpy. Sometimes, I’ll just answer, ask them if they wouldn’t mind holding for a minute, put the phone on the side and just leave it. I know it’s just a job, but when it’s part of the job description to be an asshole. I just want to be left alone to my deviousness!
My sister sometimes just starts blaring porn down the receiver until they go away!
I just posted a less polite one about cold callers, I hate unexpected people at the door, especially ones who make me feel guilty for not handing over my personal details.
I’ll be sure to check it out. Looking forward to it 🙂