The Alternative Advent: Day 12
Who’d need Viagra?
Naughty croquet…
What on Earth’s
the worth of girth?
she said in bed
with Ted who said:
“It’s good but wood’s
not always like
the night we’d
start with head—
I’d like to feel
your hands instead.”
So that’s the plan
to get it working
or MC’s twerking
might get him jerking—
And without a sound
the hand was led
inside the bed
inbound-toward
to Ted’s renowned
pure thorough-bread
to get aroused
a—long—side dead—
She’d racked
and wrought
an oak provoked
by stroke
reversed Martini’s-waken
unstirred?
no good
unshake?
try Mâcon
Oh how to spur
Ted’s broken bacon—
“Come South my dear
and bring your mouth
it needs something
to fight fatigue.”
We could always try an EKG?
she sneezed—
“Oh please!”
he swiftly pleads
and shifts
to unimpede
his lead and hopes
his pope will lift—
“Commandeer my pier,
my dear
and persevere
I know I’m near.”
This year?
“You think?” he said
she winked
and fed herself
his spear—
It was
an organ
she’s certain
was shortened
by boredom
as the burden
to harden was hers—
Not that I mind
I’m inclined
if I may
like a bloke
to unwind
but Ted—
A joke is a joke
cos this member
is smote
there must be
a new note—
I want someone
to drill me
and you can’t
even fill me!
you won’t have me stay over:
a soiree is cliché
when there’s no naughty croquet whatsoever—
So Ted sorts out
his creature—
it’s not he
that’ll feature
on the singles-night
bleacher parquet
on a weekday—
He finds something
inside him
to help her
bestride him
and ride him
despite him
reviving the pipe
that denied him—
Earlier that night…
Those who today still feel a sense of impotence can do something: they can support Amnesty International. They can help it to stand up for freedom and justice…
Peter Benenson
Just a Little Background Noise 2.0 
Add erotic poetry to your banner. 🙂 Made me blush a bit, lol.
I couldn’t get to the keyboard to reply – I’ve had a furry lump using it as a pillow – little mare! Ha – it wasn’t meant to be erotic lol certainly awkward! I saw the AI quote today and it made me think of a blog I read about certain frustrations – and thought ‘why not!’
I liked the idea of her being so grrr, that even when she’s trying to say what she wants, the metaphor involves hitting balls with a huge mallet :p
Perhaps humorous, awkward erotica instead? 🙂
I liked the subtle sarcasm used by her grr-ness, and really felt for poor old Ted.
lol I wasn’t sure if I had made him particularly sympathetic – it’s a tough one, because on the one hand he is obviously frustrated because he’s thinking about times he could perform and to stay in that space he almost needs Her to perform a role rather than engage – and then she ‘feels’ it’s her responsibility to make it work…
I kind of wanted frustrations working on both sides and because of it, a complete change in the dynamic that leaves more problems – albeit in a humorous manner :p
It was like watching these emotions flail around where nothing is truly present, when all they want to do is f@#%! That mix of simplicity and complication coming to a head.
Haha! I think most of us have had that frustration from time to time..too much thinking sometimes makes for crossed lines of communication. Whem yes, it really is a rather simple thing once you brush it off and look at it for what it is.
Hehe! I’ve experienced living with people who’ve overcomplicated simple things because everything must have an emotional response or emotional significance – it’s exhausting, unnecessary, unreasonable and irrational. I feel shattered just writing it! 😀
I agree, not everything needs to be overdone like that..though under my tough exterior, I am quite sensitive in nature. .
I’m affected tremendously by emotional responses, but I have great difficulty with understanding them – it can be like a whooosh of a thousand feelings making for the last spot and I shut down, it’s just not a pleasant feeling – but there’s a time and a place for that – there’s nothing wrong with being sensitive, we are after all feeling beings who think, however, I have a problem dealing with people who let how they feel stop letting their brain getting in the way.
I have learned how to control my ultra sensitivity, which has always been both a blessing and a curse. I feel too much sometimes and need to shut down to protect myself from overload. It is hard to find the balance, but I am just doing what my doctor told me to do. Reduce stress..to eliminate it would be a miracle!
Ha! I hope you’re winning – sorry about the delay – I needed to rest my eyes for a few days to see if that’d help – I’ve decided there’s nothing for it but wine!
Oh this is PRICELESS!!! Put a grin on a face that has been a sour puss all day…thank you!!!!
Ha! You’re welcome – I’m glad you enjoyed it – I did have a good snort putting it together. Some of it was just so awful, it had to stay! 😀
Well good. I needed that. I often have a snort myself before, during, and after writing a funny or black humor piece. Loosens the gears up, it does.
It does. I like to read stuff again after a couple of weeks to appreciate it sometimes, because a lot of my writing is similar to dictation, I some fresh eyes. It can be a pain, having to wait to decide if something is effective in the way I want it to be – but sometimes I’m taken by how perfect it sometimes is – in as far as what I was trying to do.
You’re fortunate there. I spent this evening revising a short story for the hundredth time. Every time I put it away for a few months or more, I find more unnecessary words and awkward expressions, etc. so I spent two hours revising this thing, since I have a writers’ group meeting tomorrow, got it where I really like it, hit “print four copies,” and BLAM my hopes were dashed gawddam printer out of ink.
Ha – one of the phrases my students used hear a lot is eliminate unnecessary words, pleonasm and tautology will get detention!
And… how did it go – can I have a read?
How about epistemology? Hermeneutics? I finally got the ,@$&!# thing printed on somebody else’s printer. The group seemed to be a bit stunned by the content. I have an (ahem) unusual life. Sure, you can read at it. Where would you like it?
Hahaha – I like epistemology! you can email it to me justalittlebackgroundnoise@gmail.com – I’m looking forward to it!
Now I have to clean my monitor… snorting with laughter is not a good look. Very well done.
Ha! Thank you very much! lol snorting’s always a good look 😀
love your twisted fairy tale, and the happy ending.
Hehe – thank you! *snort* happy ending! 😀
I recommend getting the “Chimes of Freedom – The Songs of Bob Dylan” to support them, via http://music.amnestyusa.org/ like I did whenever it first came out. It’s 4 album compilation of popular bands covering Bob Dylan songs, and the proceeds support Amnesty International.
One of my favorite bands, Silversun Pickups, contributed a track to the album. I heard about the album from their twitter feed at least a year ago when I still used twitter. If you don’t have the album, it’s definitely worth getting!
Do you now! 🙂
I’ve never read a poem like this before. Congratulations, well organized.
The subject is no news for Ted and neither for all. Normally I would be sorry for Ted and would be angry to the girl showing the door to him. Not any more. I’m not sorry at all!! They should suffer the consequences.
Thank you.
It kind of came from a few sources: there was a quote, a blog and this infernal advert that keeps playing all of a sudden – I didn’t really want Ted to be sympathetic at all, a kind of flawed irritated type taking it out on his partner – who is equally quite reluctant to enter a discourse beyond the immediacy of gratification…
Now it makes more sense! Thank you for enlightening me more 🙂
You’re welcome 🙂 hope you and the kitties are all set for Christmas 🙂
🙂 They all have prepared their wish lists, we’re all set! Thank you!
Hope that you will have the greatest Christmas of all times, since you’ve performed remarkable outputs with your extraordinary countdown, which there were times that they have bedazzled me and my mind.
I’m kissing Autumn and please give her a kind but a good squeeze from me 🙂
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and to your family!!!
Servant Z of Yelloz and felines.
Thank you very much – I’ve got surgery on my arm in a few hours so hopefully I’ll be able to type – but if not, enjoy Christmas 😀 and I’ll be back soon!
We’ll pray for you to become healthy again but only below the neck. 🙂 Head parts may remain as is.
I’m sorry about your surgery. Does your mother know?
I hope you’ll recover very quickly…
Me and the girls are waiting for your return, 😀
Excellent. Spot on.
Danke danke 🙂