And we’re still following on:
What other literary form serves up so much suggested promise while remaining— for legal reasons no doubt, so thoroughly content free?
It’s unfathomable really…
Unfathomable perhaps, but it also just happens to be both a trick and a rhetorical question, because everyone knows there’s not a wider selection of swill to be found anywhere in the world, than on wine-menus. But while descriptions of wines at least only pushes the boundaries of creative writing without affecting its taste; with cosmetics— mainly in the hair-care range, there seems to be a desire to push the very boundaries of nature itself— which isn’t nearly so tender to the tongue.
So much so, I feel my dream qualification is finally on the verge of being realised: the field of un-natural science, where I can finally combine my skills to create a superior face-cream that “reduces the appearance of being a raddled old hack.”
A major supermarket chain has in the meantime created its own wonder of nature with its exclusive: Physique hair-care range, which “cleverly uses magnetic-like forces to create the style you want.” Quite how cleverly and magnetic-like, remains to be seen, but I distinctly recall something about attraction and repulsion as long ago as ‘little’ school, and while it would be the perfect means to keep the proximity of boys and girls’ faces to a minimum, the last thing we’d want would be a generation of boys’ heads being thrust together uncontrollably, particularly at such an impressionable age.
Maybe the Volume Collection just employs good old-fashioned electro-static forces— the force that dares not speak its name in applied trichology since being implicated in the dreaded “fly-away hair” scandal of ’87 or more recently— as proposed right here, with the unlicensed testing on old-aged pensioners: an essential read I assure you.
And then there’s the Control Collection for smooth sleekness, as opposed to that ‘other’ type of sleekness that lacks both? Perhaps it was developed for bonces with surface tension issues, we may never know. I on the other hand have more reason to fear:
Gukk: using the strong nuclear force to stay all day
Which doesn’t sound much like a barn-burner to me; rather something you’d evacuate the whole farm for… and then at least give the surrounding villages a heads-up.
At least it’s not as mind-bogglingly stupid as responding to “permanent, light reflecting colour”. with totally non-light-reflecting hair dye; for a completely natural look..
Natural look?
It would reflect darkness for crying out loud!
Which under some circumstances, I agree might be cool! If it wasn’t so f@#$%*£ stupid…
Besides. I have a follow-up!
Just a Little Background Noise 2.0 
This is such a unique and funny way of looking at it 😀 The descriptions of the ‘miraculous abilities’ of hair-care products these days are bonkers. Also I cracked up at “something you’d evacuate the whole farm for”. An entertaining read!
Thank you very much 😀 it’s all terribly absurd. My idea of hell would be a lifetime of having nothing to watch but commercials for hair and beauty products – and now for the science!
Arggggggghhhhh!
There used to be a product called Aquamarine Plus. “Nuff said.
Ha! that does leave a nasty taste in the mouth!
I would come home, all excited about some “new” product…and then be tragically disappointed. Now, I let the hair stay the color it was intended, grey and all. My cheap, trusted shampoo assures me that it is clean. It is all stupid. I don’t fall for it anymore….um…mostly. :).
Well with strong nuclear forces at work, I’m surprised it is possible to fall anywhere? 😮 We should just be floating about at the mercy of the wind!
Yes, all willy nilly. That is my current do, styled by the elements. 🙂
And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m a sucker for the bed-hair look, though I find it so disappointing that it takes some people so long to pull it off! 😮
Takes me about an hour, depending on humidity.
Hahaha – you can just forget about doing anything to your hair sometime in Texas, with the humidity – shower too early and you’re damp all day! I certainly know what you’re talking about!
Yep, it goes all frizzy…Florida was the worst!
Full of old people isn’t it? Like an American Eastbourne! 😮
Oh, yeah..many old people and swarming bugs. Nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t last very long. I like a chill in the air now and then. 🙂
I hear you there, I stop functioning properly when it’s too hot; just start shutting down and grunting!
That would be something to see! LOL
Like the Blob in 3D! 🙂
Keep going, I have almost met my quota of laughter for the day!
The day’s far from over my dear! 😀
Very true! 🙂
i would like to create a skincare line that is activated when applied and your skin then touches the air. it will promise to take off 5.3 minutes of your age each day. the anti picture of dorian gray line.
Hahaha – you’d have smokers all over the world chugging one, then applying the stuff to cancel each other out!
It’s a rather wonderful idea! I’d round it up to six minutes though, for the marketing guys 😀
I vote for ksbeth’s idea!
As an alternative: “Let gravitons work for you … Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Powder”
Hahaha! That’s funny! You’d be able to style your hair, but not while you’re looking at it!
Or know that your hair is always ready for anything, until it’s actually time to appear …
Gives a new meaning to the phrase, plan a head doesn’t it! :p
The thing that has my brain working overtime is the makeup with colours such as ‘skin tone’ and ‘normal’. What exactly is the measure used to equate this ?? 🙂
Whatever it is, bullshit must be involved in some dilution! :p
Brilliant!
I think there might be an even better example of pushing the limits of linguistic nonsense-bags, though – those ads for perfume in the duty-free mags on aeroplanes. Sadly, I don’t have a copy to hand, but I did find this rather wonderful example from a marketing piece on Issy Mayake’s bizarrely named perfume, “Pleats Please”: The perfume is apparently “a trans-cultural bridge between the East and West” whilst the packaging deserves its own special mention: “The ridges stand out on the bottle surface in an interplay of convex and concave volumes. Bright colors have been supplanted by understated highlights with pink highlights.”
Genius.
*snort*
Oh you must find one! lol
There is so much of this wonderful nonsense out there that somehow evades the majority of peoples’ bullshit detectors – which is almost as precious…
I remember an advert a few years ago that had the usual hair-flicks and flashy camerawork before the narrator actually uttered, ‘now for the science!
Really!